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Set aside time for each of them and honor it — don't drag your lover along on girls' night out (not even if your lover is a lady; queer chicks are 4. Don't ask your man if you're prettier/smarter/better at Scrabble than his last girlfriend.

Don't do this ever, but especially not if his last girlfriend is the person you're going rock climbing with Sunday.

They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules.

What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight.

But don't assume she doesn't want an invite if you haven't asked!

In general, allow your friend and your sweetheart to decide how much contact they want with each other, and don't push them to associate if they're not into it.

We know our backstories will be tangled and intertwined.

I can count the degrees of hookup separation between my closest friends and myself, and usually come up with no more than two or three.

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Trust that your friend is happy you've found someone you dig, not plotting to sabotage your love.

Likewise, don't grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated.

Their relationship is between them; it's not your cautionary tale or your soap opera. It's easier, of course, to have hard-line rules — "exes are never OK" versus "exes are totally fine" — but that's not the world we live in.

Whether you're gay, straight, bi, or not into labels, dating a friend's ex can absolutely be done without sacrificing your friendship — you just have to follow a few simple guidelines.1. It's common to assume that anything shared with you is by default shared with your partner as well; however, your friend might be much less comfortable speaking to you in confidence if she thought the details of her personal life were going to be relayed to someone who used to share her toothbrush.

(I'm going to use female pronouns for your friend, and male pronouns for your sweetie, for the sake of simplicity; however, every rule here applies no matter the genders of the participants.) Keep your friend's secrets.

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What’s worse though is that in the long run, these thoughts can be harmful even.

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We may have a desire to claim some kinship with the place we were born, but we are really “sojourners and exiles” (1 Peter ), living in a land no longer ours.