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They were both out in their everyday life in the city, not hiding their relationship at work or among peers. On his smartphone, Hill kept a large Evernote file entitled “Mission: Move To Canada,” including hundreds of articles about obtaining a Canadian visa. They couldn’t elope in Nevada — where gay marriage is illegal — and getting married back in Maryland wouldn’t help Hai’s immigration status, but they went forward on the hope that DOMA would be repealed.But the couple felt they had reached a plateau, with no way to take their lives to the next level, including marriage and kids. On June 26, 2013, the Supreme Court struck down key parts of the Defense of Marriage Act, forcing the federal government to recognize same-sex marriages that have been approved by the states.The Defense of Marriage Act, passed by Congress and signed by President Clinton in 1996, barred same-sex couples from receiving federal marriage benefits, including the right to sponsor foreign partners for permanent residence. “Even as states were changing laws, it didn’t really matter for the real things gay couples were going through.” And so from 2011 to 2013, Hill and Hai recommitted to living in Beijing, and embarked on months of in-depth research to find out where they could move, together.They lived week-to-week, never making big plans for the future.They had many friends, including several other gay couples, and an active social life. Despite the steep uphill battle, he felt that something — marriage equality or immigration reform — had to give.They moved in together, sharing a great apartment in Beijing, as well as two cats, then took their first big vacation together to the Philippines. He applied to dozens of jobs in Australia, New Zealand and Canada, all of which have common domestic partner laws that recognize couples who can prove they have lived together for at least one year. At the very least, they thought, they would continue a long-distance relationship while Hill made a plan of action from the U. Hai came with him, intending to visit with Hill’s family for a few weeks, and was granted a six-month tourist visa. DOMA was under review by the Supreme Court at this time, and the couple knew that if the law was repealed, they’d have a shot at filing paperwork and getting married during Hai’s stay. They went on a road trip across the country for a few weeks, a much-needed reprieve from the relentless paperwork and stress. When they were in Vegas after what Hill described as “an exceptionally positive gambling stint,” they bought a ring and officially got engaged. This is the story of Steven Hill and Bei Hai, who met in Beijing in 2010.

Nor is there much of a vocal, divisive political discussion over gay rights.

There was no way for Hai to easily immigrate to the U. since they couldn’t simply apply for a green card, move there together and get married, like heterosexual couples do.

Because immigration is a wholly federal process, it didn’t matter that Hill is from — and would return to — Maryland, a state in which gay marriage was legalized in 2012.

Because China’s is not a religious society, there is no moral outrage rooted in Christian or other spiritual values.

“Steven is my ideal man: handsome, sweet,” Hai says, adding, “And if I were in a relationship with a Chinese guy, there is no future, no marriage, no adoption, nothing.” Being gay in China is less taboo than many people may assume.




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